The truth is that no one can really take your power, it is yours to give or hold onto. It’s an important component of keeping a handle on our worklife balance situations. That’s why I felt it important to respond when David Bohl at Slow Down Fast (check out his post he has a hilarious video there)tagged me on an original question posed by Donna Karlin at Better Perspective. At her OnGrowing Weekly Challenge she asks…
"Who are you giving your personal power away to and how are you going to take it back?"
That which we give attention to will thrive whether it be a negative or positive trait within ourselves. This rule also applies to the way we either harness our own personal power or allow it to be taken away or dwindle. Whether at home, in the workplace or our careers, we are creatures of habit. So developing better practices of how we use our energy and who we choose to have relationships with directly corresponds to the richness of our own personal power and personal development.
Leadership consultant Stuart Levine writes about ones approach to "investing in relationships" in his book the Six Fundamentals of Success: The Rules for Getting it Right for Yourself and Your Organization. Here’s what he says about "seeking out the energy generators."
"Surrounding yourself with energy generators is the highest form of self respect. More than any other change you can make on your own, this will transform your work life."
In answer to the original question, I think it’s worth checking in with ones self on a weekly basis to contemplate where your energy is going and whether it is being put to good use. Second, examining personal relationships. If someone is draining, I would give that relationship a second thought. I don’t however believe that ridding ourselves of the relationship is always the key. It’s worth looking at your role in the experience and whether you can change your approach, position or attitude toward that person. No need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
That’s where I’d head back to David Bohl’s original post on this question. He said his mantra is to "empower others." When you do that unconditionally, without expectation, you have nothing to lose. You have only given away the gift of your acceptance. My mother has always told me,"As we elevate others, we elevate ourselves." That means rising above in all situations, and giving freely from the heart, without draining the soul. Holding a person in your awareness without judgment frees you from the binds of negative energetic attachments.
As for reclaiming energy, my opinion is that since your gave it away in the first place it is yours to take back. But to sustain that means personal cultivation of resilience on an inner level. If we don’t consistently work on building that inner stillness, it’s harder to stand our ground. And as we build that stillness within – we will attract and share that calm with others who cross our path – while being compassionate to those who might benefit from our energy.
As Eckhart Tolle said in his book (p.94), Stillness Speaks:
" No relationship can thrive without the sense of spaciousness that comes with stillness. If spacious stillness is missing, the relationship will be dominated by the mind and can easily be taken over by problems and conflict. If stillness is there, it can contain anything."
For related posts on this topic check out the following:
Using a Practical Approach to Cultivate Resilience
WorkLife Monitor Podcast: Happiness at Work
WorkLife Balance: Can We have a Moment of Silence?
Meditation as a Tool for Success
