My friend Reta’s husband, Tommy, has a brain tumor. They choose to have faith in miracles, as hospice has now stepped in. Their love story is one for the books. But now, in what may be their final journey together, they choose to share about their life and a few common threads. They lived full lives of love – with a lot of work hours in between.
Reta and Tommy spent most of their adult lives working in management. 75-110 hours a week for the better part of three decades. Friends were made, but so much time was spent doing business, hammering away on the computer, and navigating corrections in the markets. Still time was also found for serving others and family. One wonders though. Could time have been spent a little differently? Could their striving for work life balance have played a more significant role? Reta tells me in retrospect, yes.
It’s all food for thought to share with others they hope. Here are some excerpts from a letter Reta wrote to Tommy’s children that she asked me to share. She humbly asks for good thoughts and hopes that in sharing this, it will inspire others to focus more on love and life, rather than those extreme work weeks. It’s simple: it’s ok to work to live, just don’t live to work. It’s a deep conversation for this Father’s Day.
Following is a video from the song Rent, Seasons of Love. Today, take a break and let this all sink in. Take the time to breathe and watch. How do you measure a year? How do you measure a lifetime? Are we conditioned as a society to live to work?
A letter from Reta to Tommy’s children:
Hello Children…
Just a note to let you all know that Tommy is not eating too well. Just some fruit and I am now juicing for him daily a few times. He appreciates the juice, food is not possible to get down. He hates taking pills, but now he needs them for the pain. He still has a sense of humor and that is great. The upside is he is doing what he can, and he is in decent mood overall. He just has love in his heart for the Hospice folks, but prefers to just be alone with me most of the time.
On Love and Cuddling
We speak of love each day several times. I assure him I am not upset with him, as sometimes he thinks that I am. I tell him “no absolutely, not upset with you… just “life” some days,” but never have I been upset with Tommy.
Our best moments are in bed snuggling and sharing our thoughts… he loves to cuddle up and touch… we both are snuggly bears. Through the years when we went to bed, we always had the best conversations in bed. Sometimes we did not want to go to sleep as we had so very much we wanted to share with each other.
On Being a Good Person
He does communicate with me still, fairly well, overall. Your father is an amazing human. He is the best person I have ever known. After being in the business world for nearly 30 years and working 75-110 hours per week and being around so many men through work – I have known lots of people. Tommy/your Dad is a tremendously powerful and kind and loving man.
On Perfection
I have never known anyone with such a pure heart. It does not matter that no person is perfect… it matters how they live each day, what they say about others, when they cannot be heard. Your father never spoke poorly of others, not even when they spoke less then kindly about him. He turned the other way. He only had love for people. For life. for animals and nature.
May you each walk in beauty this day, and trust that Tommy’s/your Dad’s path is good and strong. May you remember all the good and send him love from your mind’s and from your hearts that he feel it now while he battles to get through this. Send him love, send him courage. Send him the peace that surpasses all. Love, Reta
